Rolling Like A Ball
November 2024
This time I did not drop my yarn on the airplane and meet passengers as I chased a rolling ball of yarn!
Instead, I personally turned into a rolling ball on this trip.
Leaving Phoenix at 6:40 am, I arrived in San Jose at 7:20,
sailed through the rental car process and found myself
in Campbell, California at 8:30 sitting in a dental chair!
After the appointment, I drove through the Santa Cruz mountains in blinding rain on winding Highway 17,
arriving three hours early at the Holiday Inn Express in Santa Cruz.
The Dental Epiphany
and
The Osteopathic Discovery
The Dental Epiphany
Arriving at the dental office before my scheduled 9:00 am appointment, another dental splint was waiting for me. Per my telephone request from Phoenix, a second splint had been fashioned and split down the midline. As the dentist finished adjusting the new appliance with his articulation paper and sticky paste, my left ear started ringing at a high pitch. Never had I experienced this kind of symptom.
The appliance was removed immediately as he said, “Let’s see what the osteopath has to say about this!” The ringing subsided as I inserted my original splint that was in one piece. The equilibration of this appliance made time for conversation as he fine-tuned my occlusion. Our dialogue continues to reverberate in my head, unlike the ringing stimulated by the second appliance.
“That’s where your third molar was,” the dentist had exclaimed in our initial October 15 appointment
as he pointed at the ‘gap’ in a 2004 CT scan image.
“That’s a hole from the extraction!”
And the origin of the disastrous consequences of a 1972 sinus surgery that had created
fifty years of a complex medical mystery began to unravel.
A month later in our November 11 appointment at 8:30 a.m.,
a recap of the before and after history of this third molar extraction
underscored the significance of this original, undetected dental insult in 1971.
More unraveling!
What adjectives describe this kind of revelation?
extraordinary, incredible, unbelievable, staggering, stunning, astonishing, breathtaking
All of the above…
1971 —> 2024
In 1971, an unknown sinus perforation/fistulae, created during
a third molar extraction,
led to –>
my first sinus infection that lasted
nine months in spite of antibiotics
that resulted in –>
a sinus surgery (1972) with an unacknowledged intubation injury
and anesthetic awareness experience.
- In 1992, twenty years later, one piece of the puzzling aftermath of the 1972 sinus surgery was serendipitously confirmed at a Hilton Head Island workshop on Anesthetic Awareness.
- During the summer of 1998, validation of a surgical intubation trauma occurred in the dental chair of my Indiana oral surgeon – an awareness experience coupled with an injury in the throat.
- 2004 CT imaging revealed a ‘gap’ in the left maxillary sinus.
- In 2024, twenty years later, a perceptive observation materialized in the initial visit with my new California dentist:
In reviewing this 2004 CT scan image that showed a ‘gap’ (perforation or fistulae) in the left maxillary sinus, the dental origin of the 1972 chronic sinus infection was confirmed for the first time – 52 years later.
I have a magnet on my refrigerator with a quote by Winston Churchill.
How was it possible that this obvious fact had been overlooked and/or not voiced for the past twenty years by the multitude of health care professionals who have reviewed this 2004 scan? The domino effect of events falling into place was overwhelming and mind-boggling.
I always rationalized that the move from the desert of Arizona during my husband’s VietNam tour to the humidity of Tennessee and UT law school was a factor in why I, for the first time in my life, developed a sinus infection that refused to disappear with continuous rounds of antibiotics. The NOW has provided a new perspective on my life.
Does this understanding resolve the lingering symptoms that remain, the impetus for medical adventures yet again? No – but it certainly creates a foundation of the What, Why, When and Where – the ‘warp and woof of life’ as expressed by Desmond Tutu – that created years of pain, confusion and suffering. Acceptance of these chain of events that shaped my life is now beyond blame. My recent awareness annihilates any and all self-blame, thereby diminishing suffering and giving recognition to the perseverance that has blossomed from these challenges. Thankfully, I have been able to go beyond blame of what has been done, time and again, in the ‘name of medicine’: Iatrogensis – unintentional harm by medical professionals, in this day and age recognized more frequently as ‘medical malpractice’.
I now recognize and own 100% of the character trait that has evolved and unfolded during these fifty plus years of my adult life. These happenings have ‘grown’ me as a person of compassion and strength, emerging from Silence with a Voice. This voice is becoming stronger and louder, sharing a different and valid medical perspective that addresses the potentiality of the body, of the patient and the doctor, a medical perspective that provides an alternative to drugs and surgery, a medical perspective that is ‘Out of the Box.”
Einuadi’s hypnotic piano solo Rolling Like A Ball accompanied
me as I was driving in a downpour across the winding mountain road
through the redwoods after leaving the dental office en-route to Santa Cruz
and my afternoon osteopathic appointment.
Tears rolled down my face as the wiper blades rapidly swished
the torrent of raindrops across the windshield. Water everywhere.
The motel room was a welcome respite.
As evening silently crept through the motel windows,
loneliness floated in as well, enveloping me.
And the kindness of the man who had helped me put the pieces of my life
together that morning wrapped a warm blanket around the dark loneliness.
Solitude enfolded the room, tiptoeing into the dark corners and sneaking underneath the bed, transforming the dark places in the motel room and in my soul
that evening at the Holiday Inn Express.
Are the tears that continue to flow grief or gratitude?
1971 –> 1991 –>
1998 –> 2004 –>
2024–>
Fifty-three years
Osteopathic Discovery
When I laid down on the treatment table – one appliance in my mouth and my new split device in a box – my osteopath lightly touched my feet to assess my body. “So much change since your last visit! Your whole thoracic cage has opened up. I can feel motion all the way into your head.” This comment was music to my ears and confirmation of those positive times during the past month that had enabled me to keep the device in my mouth in spite of the extremes my body was enduring.
I asked her to evaluate BOTH appliances before she began treatment. The split appliance did not measure up to my hopes and confirmed that my ringing ear reaction was on target – do not wear! On the other hand, the splint I had been wearing for the past month continued to enhance the motion she was palpating.
That was $400 down the drain. Did I regret doing this? No – because I would have continued to question the possibility that a split device could help based on my appliance savvy from years past. Even though the mandible does NOT have a suture like the maxilla, I would have continued to wonder if the torque that continues to appear after treatment between the right and left temporal bones wasn’t affected by this ‘restriction’ on the my lower jaw. My case is uncommon and my response and reactivity is never the norm. The $400 was well spent for this ‘test’.
I returned to the dentist the next day for my ‘after-treatment’ splint treatment and asked if he could glue the device back together. He laughed: “No. But I can make you a new one! You can have a spare if you misplace or break the one in your mouth.” There was no charge. Another pleasant surprise with a big “Thank You!”
An Oralase,™ a 1064 laser, reduces pain and inflammation. This light therapy helped release the fibrous tissue in my neck and jaw that had violently reacted during the past month to the dental splint as my bite shifted to the right and my teeth were ‘whamming’ on the splint. My Phoenix osteopath was able to help my body adjust to this ‘invasion’ of my mouth; again, his confirmation and treatment allowed me to endure the changes that emerged. There was no dental help in Phoenix; my dentists were unwilling to adjust an appliance seated by a colleague. I had no idea how strong the reaction had been until Dr. Turzo began hands on treatment. ending with the 1064 hot laser on my head and neck and in my mouth.
My Scalarwave laser does a remarkable job of ‘shimmering’, changing the quality of the pain. This cold laser is now my
‘go to’ for home relief.
The unbelievable power of vibration:
nanometer frequencies of light
and hertz frequencies of sound.
At times, the music that I post on this website makes me shimmer as well .
– Let There Be Light and Sound –
During both of my appointments, there was much discussion about injections and IV infusions: peptides, exosomes, prolotherapy, and PRP (platelet rich plasma). Injection into the jaw joint, thereby accessing the lateral pterygoid muscle and the TM joint, was high on the list.
I had a peptide injection into the temporalis muscle on both sides of my face in the osteopath’s office. In addition, I went to the BeWell IV clinic for an IV peptide push of Cerebroylsin, a neuro-peptide that enhances neuroprotection, neuroplasticity, neuroregeneration and restores neuronal networks after injury. The sphenopalatine ganglion nerve irritation was the target.
The osteopath’s experience with exosomes was significantly a better choice for one of her patients: twelve PRP injections with small results vs. one exosome infusion with a significant outcome. During my second treatment on Wednesday morning, a call to the Los Gatos IV clinic secured me an appointment within the hour. Luckily, the clinic was five minutes from the dentist, easy access for both offices ‘On the Road to San Jose!’ and my return flight to Phoenix later that afternoon. I chose the IV exosome infusion due to the surprising events at the end of my second treatment.
At the end of the second treatment,
skillful fingers palpated deep in my throat.
Standing behind me, she asked,
“Is this the sharpness?”.
My moaning confirmed she was ‘spot on.’
Processing out loud, she pondered:
“Is this the sphenomandibular ligament
or the buccopharyngeal fascia?”
She withdrew her fingers and exclaimed:
“Ahh…I know more what’s happening now!”
Her exploration had confirmed the same ‘spot’ that previously had been discovered by both my ENT’s Physician Assistant and local Osteopath. The PA took a Q-tip and swabbed an inflammatory ‘red spot’ deep on the superior constrictor muscle. This upset my throat and had me in a ‘can-you-work-me-in’ osteopathic appointment later that afternoon. My Osteopath palpated what he called a ‘spasm in the superior constrictor’ muscle with his finger, sending me through the ceiling.
This ‘knot’ is an effect, not the cause, of my throat misery mystery. How to treat? … don’t swallow?
Her words “I can’t inject deep into the throat” made the infusion/injection choice much easier.
Why inject the jaw joint and lateral pterygoid which is NOT the area that was discovered in these last minutes of treatment.
A Time of Wonder
It seems that we are zeroing in on ‘the spot’ that does not show up in scanning
and is dependent on the palpatory skills
of osteopaths for confirmation.
Maybe, just maybe,
laser light, peptides, exosomes and the dental appliance will strengthen
my body’s ability to stabilize in response
to osteopathic palpatory treatment.
I wonder if my December visit will unravel
more of this medical mystery?
Once I arrived home, my initial reaction
to these three whirlwind days was
…..my throat feels different.
Was this the result of splint adjustments
or osteopathic treatment
or infusions and injections?
The next morning,
my phone alarm began playing
A Time of Wonder as daylight
filtered into my own bedroom
and floated into my liminal space
between sleep and wakefulness.
I had no words for what I was
experiencing and feeling
Language later arrived from a book,
jumping off the page and
putting ‘words into my mouth’.
“What is this thing called Joy…..?
And this exalted state – joy – was defined with
fifteen descriptive words by Paul Ekman and Matthieu Ricard in
The Book of Joy (The Dali Lama and Desmond Tutu)
And there it was, the last description:
‘spiritual radiance’
– a serene joy born from deep well-being and benevolence.”
Dali Lama and Desmond Tutu
This ‘sense of well-being’ with ‘serene joy’ was pervasive and deeply settling, bringing reassurance and amazement: All shall be well. I would have described this as gratitude had I not happened upon the language in the book. This sense spontaneously enveloped me – waking up within me, walking through my home with me and sitting with me in my breakfast nook as I ate, only evaporating later during the afternoon.
I recognized, however, that this profound
place of calm within my space,
overshadowing three whirlwind days of travel,
was insight welling up from within.
This was very good.
This sense provided affirmation
for all that had evolved during this time.
And if I touched it once, it can and will return.
And profound gratitude merged with joy.
December 10 is my return day.
I will once again be
“(On) the Way to San Jose”,
driving back and forth through
the Santa Cruz mountains in California.
Thus, I play the Wait and See game
for another month,
hoping these weeks will be less traumatic with splint ‘whamming’.