Santa Cruz – Here I Come
July 2024
This first July visit was a motor trip from Phoenix to Santa Cruz accompanied with a friend, both a moral support and a driving partner. I was most hesitant to fly, being concerned about air pressure and the effect it could have on my symptoms which involve the jaw joint and eustachian tube. I wanted to present with ‘normal’ issues, not with a possible ‘air pressure’ upset to confound an already difficult case. The 12-hour drive was divided into two-days – four days of driving in addition to doctor and exploration time in Santa Cruz. I could never have done this alone – physically or emotionally.
I am indebted to this lovely friend who took time to be there with me and for me.
We both were rather concerned driving out of Palm Springs to Barstow, California on a ‘back road’ with no gas stations, having forgotten to fill up the tank in Palm Springs! We arrived with 24 miles to spare in 118 degree heat. That initial California adventure on our first day of travel prompted both of us to become very aware of the gas tank!
Another set of hands palpating my body, evaluating and treating. Having initially scheduled one treatment, this “initial visit” was extended to include two more treatments and staying an extra day. This was most advantageous for the doctor to be able to better see how I responded to treatment as well as getting to know my case of 40+ years. Luckily, we had ‘zoomed’ in May before this initial in-person visit, a very productive initial way to ‘meet and greet’… one of the few positives of COVID and the reorganization of ‘meeting and greeting’ in every area of our lives.
Her oral palpatory skills were amazing. I left her office relieved and confident in her expertise and ability after these initial visits. In addition to hands-on treatment, this osteopath uses a 1064 hot laser. At times, it seemed like she had three hands! And she certainly could zero in on the pain areas without any input from me. Time will tell – wait and see is my game plan.
Per her recommendation, I had purchased a cold ScalarWave Laser with violet, infrared and red probes. She and her dental cohorts have used lasers for 20 years with amazing success in treating infections as well as bone, tendon, and ligamentous issues. I continue to be amazed how strongly I can ‘feel’ a pulsating light that is neither hot nor cold, creating a ‘shimmering’ in my face and throat in the area that creates an icepick splinter-sharp sensation one day and voluminous fluid the next. The light changes the intensity as well as the sensation of sharpness. Will this help heal the area? Tendons, ligaments, bones and muscles all have responded positively to light.
The Origin of a Medical Mystery
An adverse reaction to a 1996 orthodontic trauma in which pivots were bonded to teeth to manipulate the jaw joint. These maneuvers resulted in a palatal collapse on the left side with a bone (hamular process) shifting down into the roof of the mouth.
This unexpected reaction within 30 minutes of the procedure created a ‘medical mystery’
that continues into the present.
Subsequent discovery of hypercoagulation genetic variations which result in impaired microcirculation was confirmed
by an oral surgeon specializing in ONJ
(osteonecrosis of the jaw).
In addition, the intubation injury from the 1971 sinus surgery which caused severe bruising in this area was confirmed.
Twenty five years later, impaired microcirculation to the bone had resulted in bone death (necrosis) – hence the unexpected reaction to the orthodontist’s repositioning
of the jaw joint.
Surgical removal of the hamular process confirmed the necrosis of the palate
but failed to resolve resulting symptoms.
We are revisiting several issues that have appeared over the years.
1- Temporomandibular Joint Dysfunction has been ruled out;
2- A Sphenopalatine Ganglion block will investigated in Phoenix.
- Sphenopalatine ganglion Irritation – there are new tools for blocking this nerve with anesthetic – and patients are able to do this as well if the protocol helps. Sphenopalatine Catheters are being used for a wide variety of conditions. My osteopath was most interested in having this done as a diagnostic.
- Temporomandibular Jaw Joint Dysfunction. An MRI of the TMJ revealed some flattening of the condyle in the joint on the left side, but not enough dysfunction to warrant the symptom complex that was provoked by the orthodontic procedure in 1996. Thank goodness my local oral surgeon and my orofacial osteopath were in agreement on this issue 100%. The oral surgeon cannot accept the perspective that the jaw joint functionality affects temporal bone motion. The temporal bone is not capable of movement in his world. Therein lies the boundary line between the world of pathology in traditional medicine and the world of function in the osteopathic perspective – a line that I have traversed back and forth since the early 1980’s.
SUPPOSITIONS and WONDERINGS
Sphenopalatine (Pterygopalatine) Ganglion Irritation
The sphenopalatine ganglion is a group of nerve cells
linked to the trigeminal nerve.
It is the largest of the peripheral parasympathetic ganglia of the head and neck, located behind the nose.
My ENT subsequently performed a Sphenopalatine Block with anesthetic through the sinus cavity. This block,
done before my September Santa Cruz return,
lasted for 30 minutes. The procedure exacerbated my symptoms after-the-fact.
Two other issues remain and my local ENT will be once again revisiting these issues with me. He has been my doctor since 1997 – one year after the orthodontic trauma – and even though he practices medicine ‘in the box’ , he can open his box and peek outside. He has an incredible listening ear without judgment. He was head of the Skull Base Team at Barrows Neurological Center when I decided to investigate the Neurography Institute in Santa Monica California in 2011.
- Sinus perforation in the left retromolar area of the maxillary sinus (wisdom tooth area) as shown on a 2004 CT scan and later confirmed with a CBCT scan. At the time, the CBCT scan was a new form of low-dose CT radiation. I flew to northern California to have this scan – the closest location in the country at the time that had this new dental scanning equipment. The dental radiologist – the Beam Reader – confirmed the sinus perforation/hole/fistulae on this scan as well. Today the Cone Beam CT scan is widely used in dental offices.
- Glossopharyngeal nerve irritation – Cranial Nerve #9 – the swallow nerve. The Neurography Institute in Santa Monica confirmed an impingement on this nerve in 2011. The doctor, a neurosurgeon and a neuroradiologist, writes his own MRI scanning protocols that are proprietary – no other neuroradiologist or facility has the privilege of using them. His expertise and experience is well-documented. Barrows Skull Base Team of neuroradiologists could not confirm the findings. Treatment would be an anesthetic injection of this ‘swallow’ nerve – first as a diagnostic and then hopefully to block pain with future injections. All for $5000 per injection. I recently revisited with this institute;. The front office was most helpful – my old scans were still available. And, it doesn’t make any difference in the scanning equipment It is impossible to compare a local MRI with their scanning because of the ‘proprietary protocols’ used, i.e. the scan must be done there to compare apples with apples. Again, after much discussion, this did not happen in 2024.
September 2024
September found me in an airplane to San Jose and a rental car drive on Highway 17 through the Santa Cruz mountains to the coast. The airplane was kind to my ears – and definitely a much shorter means of travel than driving! At the end of my second treatment, minutes before getting into my rental car to return to the San Jose airport and catch my flight to Phoenix, an astounding event happened. And my world turned upside down and inside out.
September 15, 2024
I was lying on the treatment table as my orofacial osteopath had finished my second treatment – I thought.
Reaching onto her desk, she said “Wonder what would happen if you put this under that upper left canine tooth?
Open your mouth and bite.”
A piece of dental articulation paper was inserted into my mouth and I bit down.
Her hands were immediately palpating my head as I held this articulation paper between my teeth.
“Oh my goodness. Your entire head just opened up!” she exclaimed in shock.
“What a surprise! Do we need a dentist?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
In the world of the cranial osteopath, this palpatory perception
was not only an unexpected but also a welcome response
…to a thin piece of dental articulation tape?
More wondering on the afternoon
of September 15, 2024.
My mind was spinning backwards in time as I began
my journey to the airport
‘on the way to San Jose’
…..back to 1978 and 1996.
– two other dental ‘misadventures’
with this same ‘canine’ tooth that ended up in
chain reactions with years of chaos and pain.
During 1978, I quickly became a “Basket Case” within my local dental community.
Craniofacial pain was triggered
in a routine dental appointment:
my dentist ground my upper left canine tooth (equilibration).
This procedure unintentionally precipitated a ‘lightning bolt’
of sharp pain instantaneously
flashing through my face.
Little did I know that this was the initiation of years of orofacial pain
At 10:30 am on June 4, 1996, a California orthodontist opened the door into the Beyond of the Unknown.
Within 30 minutes of equilibrating (grinding) the very same upper
left canine tooth, bizarre
symptoms appeared.
More than twenty-five years
of puzzling symptoms…… complexity beyond the scope of specialization in dentistry, neurology, orthopedics and otolaryngology… were triggered
that continue into the present.
I know The Way to San Jose
Drive along with me.
I left her office at 3:30 in Santa Cruz to drive to the San Jose airport en-route to Phoenix. She told me to keep this tape hanging from my mouth on the trip home. The icepick, splinter pain in my jaw/face dissipated as I drove to San Jose. At 4:04 on the outskirts of San Jose,
my jaw and bite shifted and my teeth
occluded on the right side.
With a piece of dark blue tape hanging out of my mouth, I returned a rental car, spent four hours in the San Jose airport, landed in Phoenix and found a taxi, arriving home at 10:30 pm. The ‘block’ lasted through the next day – far longer than the 30-minute anesthetic sphenopalatine ganglion block previously performed in my ENT’s office two weeks ago.
What just happened in my Santa Cruz osteopath’s office?
Reverberations, Rebound, and Reactions
Listening and Hearing
AWARENESS
“Would she have done this had I told not my story of how and when the orofacial pain began
and was exacerbated by ‘dental canine insults?”
Her hearing continues to wrap me in a warm blanket of being heard.
Within 8 days of inserting dental articulation paper at this
‘canine’ location when the sharp sensation in the left side of my throat
and face overpowered me, an upper right molar (tooth #3) fractured.
“Was this ‘coincidence’?
Or, is my body screaming at all of us, showing us the way toward resolution?”
Unanswered questions. This ‘remedy’ works some of the time. The pain continues to assault me every other day.
My Phoenix osteopath has palpated this phenomenon that she experienced as well.
The both agree about the instability of my system that responds readily to treatment and refuses to ‘hold’,
manifesting constant change. There are no answers… yet.
Both are wondering and amazed at this latest discovery, along with me.
Thus, unannounced, my ‘door ajar’ was flung wide open by this unexpected response to a piece of dental articulation paper placed between two teeth…
the same two teeth that previous dental equilibration
in 1978 and 1996 had precipitated unfathomable repercussions and years of pain.
I was powerless as my door ajar swiftly transformed into a limitless, infinite boundless space, catapulting me
into simultaneous overwhelming sensations,
emotions and memories.
I was on the crest of a wave, travelling at the speed of light.
‘To let go is to lose your foothold temporarily.
Not to let go is to lose your foothold forever.
Soren Kierkegaard
I had an ongoing argument with the word ‘hope’ and invented other words to avoid the balancing act of hope with expectation. This potential ‘collision’ arose from on-going family estrangement experiences.
Emily Dickinson, however, helped me ‘see’ differently with her images of ‘a door ajar’ and ‘the little thing with feathers.’
My door ajar replaced hope and I was able to witness the little thing with feathers flying in at most unexpected times, bringing gratitude that would cover me and seep within. My door ajar enabled me to Trust. For me, Cynthia Bourgeault’s reframing of hope as ‘mystical hope’ was simply another word for Trust.
And, I always had trouble with the word surrender. A vivid childhood image of the cowboy on a horse pointing a gun at someone and saying, “Surrender” was an immediate reflexive reaction to the word. I had to create many different words to circumvent this image and finally settled on “Let it Be” – which was always accompanied by the melody of the infamous Beatles song drifting in and out of my inner hearing!
By combining the words of hope and fear, Pema Chodron transports me to an expanded
realm of understanding which gives birth to COURAGE.
“REDOK: A feeling with two sides…as long as there’s one there’s the other.”
(When Things Fall Apart, p. 39)
If hope and fear are two sides of one coin, so are Hopelessness and Confidence.
If we’re willing to give up hope that insecurity and pain can be exterminated,
then we can have the Courage to relax with the Groundlessness of our situation.
Hopelessness is the basic ground.’”
(When Things Fall Apart, p. 41)
I juggle her words, preferring the word Groundlessness to Hopelessness (the basic ground).
Is Groundlessness, therefore, the same as Surrender…
Where both Trust and Confidence are born and can reside in the Ground of Being with the Boundless Presence….
Where the vital force, the energy of life vibrates, expanding and contracting as does our Breath?
And how can we touch this ‘vital force’?
I momentarily traveled into the Beyond where I was embraced and engulfed by Groundlessness
….On The Way to San Jose.
Spiritual Awakening
Michele McLaughlin
It was only later that awareness creeped through my wide-open ‘door ajar’.
Insight arose from deep within. I could see Groundlessness as a doorway into the Ground of Being
with the Boundless Presence embracing ‘Thy will be done’ and Surrender.
This happening, over which there was no control, enfolded me On The Way to San Jose.
….a very special condition of psycho-spiritual transformation.
Transformational language arises from our need to express that which is Beyond Words.
Impermanence is foremost in my spirit as I venture forward
on a return trip to Santa Cruz in October.
October 2024
Flying to San Jose the second time was more routine. On this trip I did NOT drop my ball of yarn while knitting and ‘meet and greet’ fellow travellers as my yarn rolled underneath four seats! The rental car routine was an unfortunate nightmare, with a 90 minute wait for the car. And, while waiting, I received an email from my osteopath’s office stating that I had a dental appointment in Campbell, California at 1:00! Whoa! Where was Campbell, California and would I get my car in time?
This was only the preamble to unforeseen detours not to mention surprising dental adventures about to occur during the next 48 hours.
At long last, my rental car and I ventured onto the freeway to find Campbell, California – which fortunately happened to be ten miles from the airport on the way to Santa Cruz! And my traumatic dental history and life was turned upside down and inside out when I met this referral and colleague of Dr. Turzo – a dentist with 20 years of working with cranial osteopaths. Quite a welcome change from any previous dentist – and I probably had encounters with 15 – 20 across the country over the years. I walked out of the office with yet another dental appliance, approximately the 15th in my disastrous dental history with resulting debilitating and uncommon consequences.
The unforseen discovery of my ‘left canine’ tooth disturbance at the end of the September visit opened the door for speculation and wondering. One fact was obvious: this appliance would definitely change the canine occlusal (bite) issue along with my jaw position. Was this affecting the supposed sphenopalatine ganglion nerve irritation? And would this alleviate the bizarre symptoms of fluid and sharp pain? How would my body respond to the shifting of the mandible (lower jaw)?
Why and how can this common mandibular device cause such repercussions? That is the unknown of my medical history. And here I am again…repeating the past or paving the a new path in the future? This remains to be seen. Both the osteopath and the dentist have no predictions – other than take it out of your mouth if you can’t handle the change or the pain.
It’s been 16 days – a little more than 2 weeks. Change: radical and remarkable; excessive and extraordinary. My body has been on a roller coaster – a challenge in adaptation and adjustment: extremes in pain and/or no pain moving through my body in fluctuations and undulations. The impermanence of this rapid change is foremost in my awareness; nevertheless, the extremes are most difficult to live in and through. Where will I land? No one knows. I only know what happened before. Can this be reversed in the present?
My Santa Cruz osteopath is working me into her overloaded schedule. Thank goodness I will be returning in ten days, November 11. The dental piece of this orofacial puzzle is paramount; the communication between osteopath and dentist
is critical and as uncommon as is my history. A second appliance, cast from the same mold as the original device but cut in half at the midline, will hopefully provide some occlusal stability and allow my jaw, head and neck to shift more easily through the powerful changes. This also remains to be seen.
My Phoenix osteopath and physical therapist provide untold help as my body charges through these rapid changes triggered by reaction and response to a piece of lightweight plastic that fits loosely over my bottom teeth. My local dental community will not help with adjustment of the appliance… ONLY the California dentist can do this, which mandates that I return monthly.
Stronger
Michele McLaughlin
My body is exhibiting stunning and surprising vitality,
resiliency and adaptability that my practitioners
uncover and facilitate during treatment.
Amazing responses, however, do not negate the difficulty
of radical, transformative change.
Walking through my home and my iPad playlist spontaneously begins playing – for whatever reason – a piano solo entitled Stronger. Tears roll down my cheeks. This music outside of me soothes me within. As I ride the roller coaster of provocation and change in order to attain new heights of functionality and health, this song now sits on my piano. I not only hear with my ears but play with my hands .
My body talks to me and says, “This is very good”. My heart overflows with gratitude. The embodiment of transformation.
And I am Stronger.
The universality of the power of the body to heal is beyond language and belief.
Let it Be – Thy Will Be Done
Fear is replaced with Courage.
Hope is replaced with Groundlessness.
And I wait…
in groundlessness and in impermanence
with the Great Architect.
The only constant is change and courage
within this Boundless Presence.
Thank you Pema Chodron and Andrew Taylor Still
for language that resonates
within me and through me.
StarStuff
Michele McLaughlin
I unveiled – and continue to discover – what amazing changes can and do evolve
as my body continues to be awakened and speak
. under cranial osteopathic care
…the primary form of medical treatment
for a diagnosis of “Unknown” –
Disorder unfolding into Reorder
Counter-Entropic
Self-Regulation
Beyond Words ?
The Silence is broken at this time of my life.
In the NOW, there are many words.
I Kiss the Rain
…washing me within and without.
Kiss the Rain
Meyers, arr. Hauser
I lived on RedBud Drive in Knoxville, Tennessee as a child.
Our front yard was covered in dogwood trees with only one redbud tree.
The side street that led into our driveway was uphill.
One afternoon after a summer rainstorm, I was running and playing in the street, splashing in puddles.
Standing in the middle of RedBud Drive, a shower began and rain was gently falling on my head.
As my eyes gazed west into the early evening sky, a rainbow appeared. My arms reached out to catch the raindrops.
Many times during my lifetime, this memory has washed over me with a deep sense of peace.
– my standing in the middle of the street,
– arms outstretched to touch the sky,
– absolute awe and wonderment of the blue sky peeking around billowy dark clouds,
– all dancing underneath a rainbow umbrella.
The rain kissed my face that day ….so many years ago.
And as equilibrium peeks from around the clouds into a blue sky underneath a rainbow umbrella,
I Kiss the Rain.
Once again, I am that little girl
…this time, standing in a shower of
Gratitude…
with one redbud tree in my yard in Phoenix, Arizona.
The NOW
